We all know the idea of teaching our child right from wrong. If the child does something wrong, you correct him/her and if they continue you punish them. The idea is that they are supposed to learn. It is true, that, given enough redirection the child will learn more constructive and acceptable behaviors. Often, however, this has been done without a lot of explanation, and the parent(s) have become the Ogre in the situation.

It might be a better idea to begin to speak with your child as early as you can. Develop a rapport with them, one that will grow as the child grows. There is no need to yell or demand as the child will learn that for every action there is a reaction or consequence. You, as parent, do not give punishments, you do not mete out justice, rather, the child earns consequences according his/her actions. Thus, if a child does something and is redirected, but continues to perform the negative action, he/she earns negative consequences, perhaps a time-out. A teen in this case may earn loss of privileges that were previously afforded. The parent, in a nice moderate tone should explain that by not following and meeting the expectations, he/she earned negative consequences. Now, if this should begin to escalate, the parent need only say to the teen, I did not give you anything, you earned what you received.

In the same way, if the parent gives the child an expectation and the child meets this expectation, he/she has performed a positive behavior and so they should receive a positive consequence for his/her behavior. Suppose the child must clean his/her room and does so, that is a positive behavior, the parent should recognize that and offer a positive consequence, which could mean anything from taking him/her out for an ice-cream to increasing curfew on a weekend.

The goal is to eliminate some of the high stress that is involved when the child does not understand why he/she is being punished or not being rewarded for respective behaviors. This also helps the child to understand that he/she is responsible for his/her own actions and must accept the consequence he/she earned.

Of course, this works better when the parents and child are building (or have built) a strong bond that will hold the family together. It is important to have family dinners several times during the week, if not every day. Building a strong family unit does not mean that everything will be wonderful in your family. It simply makes communication more open and helps you get through the difficult situations that may lie ahead.